The Fear of Cancellation

Monday 13 April 2026, 16:32 by Michiel Heijmans | 2,223 views | 1 comment

This article was translated from Dutch with the help of AI. Read the original.

Sometimes I am afraid to ask someone whether they are ready for our photoshoot. It has little to do with the question itself, and more with the risk of cancellation.

Many of my current photoshoots are determined attempts to get even better. To grow in my portrait photography style. It is about moving a lamp by the smallest amount, changing light modifiers and looking for the right feel in the photograph to match the conversation I have with my model that day.

That model is often another photographer, or someone I admire and would like to talk to. Someone I have consciously invited to sit in front of my camera. Perhaps a TFP shoot, Time for Portfolio. Often another creative who deserves a PAUZE. Because that is what my portrait session is called.

PAUZE

You give yourself a break. Or you don't. And in the hectic world we live in, that ‘don't’ is quite significant. Sometimes life moves too fast and we have no time for a break. I am at the front of that movement myself, driving at the front of the slowing traffic jam called ‘always carrying on’.

That brings me straight to the fear of cancellation: I need my break sessions to get out of my head and into my feelings. I need them to quiet the voices. To be able to focus on what the other person is really saying. If someone is a very confident conversation partner in my photoshoots, there is a reason for it. There is a reason someone has put on a mask, or taken one off.

To get to the heart of someone, a conversation is essential, if you ask me. To make sure someone is completely themselves, trust has to develop between photographer and model. And in my view, that is not so simple.

Giving yourself over to the photographer

There are only a few people who think: that is the photographer, so I can completely give myself over to that man and his camera without any difficulty. Or woman, of course, I don't want to leave anyone out. They are often people who do not particularly worry about how others see them. I am not part of that group, but I have taught myself never to look too posed in a photograph. I think it is important that the photograph is a reflection of me. And that the reflection is not distorted.

That also means that I am increasingly giving myself over to the photographer. That I trust my photographs to be taken with respect and placed with respect wherever they end up. Once again, it is about trust.

You have to earn trust, trust is not a given. Trust is about building a connection. Trust is about exposing yourself before someone else exposes themselves. Trust is about showing your own strengths and weaknesses before asking the other person to sit in front of your camera in such a vulnerable way.

Practice, practice, practice

I do not completely trust a photographer who tells you they can make you feel at ease within five minutes and then take that genuine photograph of you. We are not hypnotists or magicians who can suddenly create that trust with a certain spell. Trust has to grow, and for it to grow, it needs good ground.

That is why I want to practise. That is why I look for models who are at the edge of my comfort zone. Not necessarily the same types as me, but people I think I can learn something from. People I think I share some common ground with, something we can talk about. A shared interest. A basis for a good conversation.

Fear of cancellation

My fear of cancellation is therefore not about cancelling me as a person, but about cancelling the good conversation and the enjoyment I have during a photoshoot like that. I can genuinely look forward to a portrait session enormously!

It is a kind of challenge, perhaps even a game, in which I also try to give the best of myself. In which I might ask just the question that is not normally asked. Or give an answer that is not normally given.

The dynamic of the conversation, and the search for a genuine look, has become a kind of sport. It is a kind of competition that you look forward to enormously, and that is called off because of the rain. Or postponed, of course. It does not go ahead for a reason beyond your control.

It is the day you planned to go to the Efteling, only to discover that your favourite ride is closed that day because of maintenance. I can genuinely be very disappointed about that.

“And, are you completely ready for our shoot on Thursday?”
“Oh yes, good that you called. Speaking of that…”
You probably know the feeling.

And yet I call again

Then I put the phone down. I am disappointed for a moment, genuinely. And I allow myself to feel that. But after a cup of coffee and fifteen minutes, I am already starting to think about who I will ask next time. Because that is how it works for me. The cancellation is a shame, and the desire for that conversation, that look, that photograph, is stronger.

That may well be the real heart of PAUZE. Not only the break I give someone else, but also the break I allow myself when things go wrong. That one moment of stillness before I pick up my phone again and search for a name. And then I type: "I would like to know whether you would come and sit in front of my camera sometime." Because the fear of cancellation never beats my curiosity about the person on the other end.

Portrait photography is fantastic.

You might also like

• 

  I am not a street photographer

  by Michiel Heijmans

• 

  The best snow photos from our members

  by Nando Harmsen

• 

  Are you ready for the solar eclipse?

  by Nando Harmsen

• 

  Why I Sometimes Fear I Have Photographed Everything

  by Michiel Heijmans

• 

  Away from the Open Space

  by Michiel Heijmans

• 

  Do you suffer from FOMO in your photography?

  by Nando Harmsen

1 comment

Have your say

Please note: Articles older than a week can only be commented on by signed-in visitors.
Would you still like to comment? sign in or create a free account.